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The One About the Dead Dog

GLYNN WASHINGTON, HOST:

Welcome back to SNAP JUDGMENT, the "Proof" episode. Today, we're not just accepting everything we hear. You've got to come correct with the goods. Now, I am excited for you to hear this next piece. It comes to us by way of "The Truth," the podcast featuring amazing audio fiction by our friend, Jonathan Mitchell. Get your popcorn and your Junior Mints ready for some cinema of sound, baby. SNAP JUDGMENT.

(SOUNDBITE OF PODCAST, "THE TRUTH")

PHOEBE TYERS: (As Sam) So my boss asked me to watch her dog while she and her family go on vacation.

DENNIS PACHECO: (As Ben) OK, well, I wouldn't do that, but...

TYERS: (As Sam) (Laughter) Yeah, no, I love dogs, so this was no problem for me.

PACHECO: (As Ben) So what kind of dog was it?

TYERS: (As Sam) A golden retriever.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, yeah, those are great dogs.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) (Laughter).

TYERS: (As Sam) So one day, I go in, I check on the dog, and the dog was dead.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Excuse me?

TYERS: (As Sam) He's not moving, and I don't really know what to do. I tried...

So I called my boss. Actually, I didn't. I called her husband. My boss would crucify me.

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) OK, Sam, Sam, it's not your fault.

TYERS: (As Sam) I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Hey, get out of the water, Cheryl (ph).

TYERS: (As Sam) ...But he's not moving.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Just a second. No, don't dunk. Don't dunk him under.

TYERS: (As Sam) I'm really sorry to be interrupting.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Just take him to the vet, OK? And just tell them that he's ours, and they will know what to do, OK? I can't talk anymore.

TYERS: (As Sam) I can't - I can't - I don't...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Just do that, OK?

TYERS: (As Sam) Take him to the vet...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #1: (As husband) Take him the vet. The phone number's on the fridge.

TYERS: (As Sam) So I stuffed Mexico (ph) into a suitcase.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Into a suitcase?

TYERS: (As Sam) Believe me, this was not fun.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, no. My god, no.

TYERS: (As Sam) I loved this dog.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No, of course you do, of course.

TYERS: (As Sam) I love all dogs.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah.

TYERS: (As Sam) It was so heavy. I mean, it weighed as much as a golden retriever weighs...

PACHECO: (As Ben) Full-grown golden retriever.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, so it was very heavy. And I get him onto the subway.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Whoa, hang on, you didn't call a cab?

(LAUGHTER)

TYERS: (As Sam) I know. Well, thinking back, like, yeah, but the car is pretty empty...

PACHECO: (As Ben) Uh huh, good for you.

TYERS: (As Sam) ...Except for there's this one guy.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, my god.

TYERS: (As Sam) And he is staring at the suitcase.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) Looks heavy.

TYERS: (As Sam) What? Excuse...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) Your suitcase, it looks heavy.

TYERS: (As Sam) He was staring at it so hard that I thought he knew what was inside of it.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) What you got in there?

TYERS: (As Sam) Speakers.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) Yeah, must be some heavy-duty speakers.

TYERS: (As Sam) And he gets up, and he walks across the car, and he sits right next to me.

PACHECO: (As Ben) He sits next to you?

TYERS: (As Sam) Yes, which...

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, man.

TYERS: (As Sam) ...You don't do that.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) What kind of speakers are they?

TYERS: (As Sam) And he starts asking me, what kind of speakers? And where are you going with them?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) Where are you going with speakers like that?

TYERS: (As Sam) And then finally, we get to Union Square, and I'm like, this is me, bye.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) No way, this is my stop, too.

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, cool, bye.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) Let me give you a hand with those.

TYERS: (As Sam) No, I got it.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) No, come on. I can't let a lady carry something this heavy.

TYERS: (As Sam) No, I got it. I got it this far. I can take it. Thank you, though.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) We're friends now, come on.

TYERS: (As Sam) OK, yeah.

So before I know it, he is carrying the suitcase.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #2: (As man on subway) I can't believe you have speakers in this thing.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah.

I'm kind of relieved because it's heavy.

PACHECO: (As Ben) And maybe he's just a good guy.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, maybe he's just a good guy. But once we start walking up the steps...

No, wait.

He just takes off running.

Wait, where are you going?

PACHECO: (As Ben) What?

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, he takes off running. I tried to run after him, but he runs away with the suitcase.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Jesus.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) What'd you do? How'd you get it back?

TYERS: (As Sam) I didn't. I did not get it back. I never saw him or it again.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, my god.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Wow, that's crazy.

TYERS: (As Sam) I know. I know (laughter).

PACHECO: (As Ben) She stuffs the dog into the suitcase.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Come on.

(SOUNDBITE OF VIDEO GAME)

PACHECO: (As Ben) So...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) God.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Are you listening?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) So she's got this dead dog on the subway...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Uh huh.

PACHECO: (As Ben) ...In the suitcase...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Yep.

PACHECO: (As Ben) ...And this guy starts staring at her.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) OK.

PACHECO: (As Ben) He comes over, sits next to her. He's like, what's in the suitcase?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) What's in the suitcase, right?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) And then he - and then he - she says it's electronics.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Speakers. She says speakers, but yeah, that's close.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) And then he steals it from her, right? And then he runs away?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, yeah, actually, that's exactly what happened. How did you know?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) This didn't happen.

PACHECO: (As Ben) What do you mean it didn't happen?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) It's an urban legend.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Sam told me this story. It happened to her.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) I mean, if you don't believe me, you can go look it up on the computer.

(SOUNDBITE OF TYPING)

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, OK, but this is completely different. See, it says she was asked to dog-sit for a Great Dane, and this was a golden retriever.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) No, look, the man offered to carry the suitcase for her. She said no thank you, but the man grabbed the suitcase anyway and ran up the stairs with it, never to be seen again.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Weird.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Maybe she was just trying to impress you.

PACHECO: (As Ben) It could be coincidence.

You've never been here before? Not as a kid?

TYERS: (As Sam) I've never been here.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, you should come to one of the lectures they do here.

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, that'd be great.

PACHECO: (As Ben) It's like a whole show in the planetarium.

TYERS: (As Sam) They have a planetarium?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, they got a planetarium. It's like...

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, my God.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, I'm really into space stuff, so...

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, yeah? Well, when I was a kid, a piece of a satellite landed in my backyard.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Wow.

TYERS: (As Sam) It was nuts.

PACHECO: (As Ben) You know what else? They have a spider exhibit upstairs. We can go check that out.

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, no.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No, don't make that face. Hang out.

TYERS: (As Sam) No, I don't do spiders.

PACHECO: (As Ben) You don't do spiders?

TYERS: (As Sam) No.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Not even the ones that can sting you and give you seizures?

TYERS: (As Sam) Especially those. No, honestly, I had a really bad experience with a spider once, and I just - ugh.

PACHECO: (As Ben) What happened?

TYERS: (As Sam) Well, a few years ago, I was in Bali. And I had this lump on my arm. And it wouldn't go away, so I went to the doctor there. And when he cut it open, hundreds of baby spiders crawled out.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Huh. I guess that happens to people, even though it's incredibly unlikely.

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, god. It was disgusting.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Actually, I've heard that story. It's a really famous story. It's all over the Internet. This guy was in Bali, and he had a lump on his arm.

TYERS: (As Sam) It must be a Bali thing then.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I don't think it is.

TYERS: (As Sam) God, it was horrible.

PACHECO: (As Ben) You never heard this story? It's a really famous story.

TYERS: (As Sam) No.

PACHECO: (As Ben) It's an urban legend. It was a really big story. It was an urban legend.

TYERS: (As Sam) I'm sorry, I - are you...

PACHECO: (As Ben) I'm just saying, if it didn't happen to you...

TYERS: (As Sam) What?

PACHECO: (As Ben) ...You know, then just say it, just say, it didn't happen to me.

TYERS: (As Sam) You think I'm lying to you?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well...

TYERS: (As Sam) I'm not making this up.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, can I show you something? This - do you remember that dead dog story you told me?

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, what about it?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, I Googled it. It's on my phone.

TYERS: (As Sam) You're checking up on me?

PACHECO: (As Ben) I'm...

TYERS: (As Sam) You don't believe me?

PACHECO: (As Ben) I got it bookmarked here, so...

TYERS: (As Sam) These things happened to me. I'm telling you the truth.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Dead dog subway story - you see?

TYERS: (As Sam) Is this some kind of joke? Did you make this website?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Snokes (ph)? No, I didn't make Snokes.

TYERS: (As Sam) I've never seen this before.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Are you sure? 'Cause maybe you saw it, and you thought it happened to you.

TYERS: (As Sam) OK, so now I'm crazy.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No.

TYERS: (As Sam) Great.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No, I'm not saying you're crazy.

TYERS: (As Sam) This happened to me. Look, I can prove it. I have a scar from...

PACHECO: (As Ben) You have a scar, yeah.

TYERS: (As Sam) It was awful.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I'm just...

TYERS: (As Sam) I have a newspaper clipping of when the satellite landed in my yard.

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK.

TYERS: (As Sam) I can show you these things, but I don't know if I even care to show you anymore.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Can we just - hey, let's go take a look at the giant whale. You know the giant whale? They have a life-size giant whale. It's amazing.

TYERS: (As Sam) Giant whale?

PACHECO: (As Ben) You have a giant whale story?

TYERS: (As Sam) No.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Hey, what's up? How did it go?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Great, great, it went great. Everything's fine, all right - wonderful.

(SOUNDBITE OF KNOCKING)

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Are you all right?

PACHECO: (As Ben) No, I screwed things up with Sam.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) What do you mean you screwed up?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, I basically called her a liar and drove her away.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Did she lie to you?

PACHECO: (As Ben) I mean, OK, well, she tells me that she was in Bali once, and she had a lump on her arm, and it turned out there was a spider living inside her.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) You know that story, right?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, everybody knows that story.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) And this is Sam, girl with the dead dog - same girl?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Same girl.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) What, is she the same babysitter that, like, got a phone call, and it was coming from in the house?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, she also told me that a piece of satellite landed in her backyard when she was a kid.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) I would run if I were you.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, no, but that's the thing is she's so great otherwise. I mean, she tells these stories, but she's...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) There's no way, man.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Here's the thing. When you told me you were dating that girl with the spider tattoo on her neck...

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Yeah, but she was really cool. It's not like she was a juggalo or something. Like, come on.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Well, Sam's really cool, too, and she's not a juggalo.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) All right.

PACHECO: (As Ben) That's what I'm saying. She's great. She's warm. She's funny. She's beautiful.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) So, like, what did she say when you called her out?

PACHECO: (As Ben) She won't back down. She will not back down. She swears these things happened to her.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) I mean, if all these things really happened to her - which is highly doubtful - but if they did, there's got to be some way to find out.

(SOUNDBITE OF TYPING)

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK, satellite lands in backyard of Portsmith (ph) family. There's a picture. Here's a picture.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Is that her in the picture?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, yeah, that's her. It's got her name on here and everything.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Wow.

PACHECO: (As Ben) So this really happened to her.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Wow.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I wonder if that spider thing happened to her. Hang on, I'm going to Google spider plus her name.

(SOUNDBITE OF PHONE RINGING)

TYERS: (As Sam) Hello?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Hey, I got you.

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh.

PACHECO: (As Ben) You picked up.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, actually, I can't really talk right now.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I just want to - look, just give me one minute.

TYERS: (As Sam) Ben...

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK? I looked up that story that you told me, and I found it online. Just like you told me - Portsmith family of four, there was a picture, it was clearly you. I mean, obviously it was you.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) And I shouldn't have even had to look you up. I should've just trusted you.

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah, I just - I want you to trust me. I want you to believe in me.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I'm really sorry. I feel horrible. I honestly feel - I didn't want to make you feel hurt or angry, and I - hey, do you - I mean...

TYERS: (As Sam) Hey, do you - do you want to get a drink?

So you believe me now?

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah.

TYERS: (As Sam) That's great.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I do - even that spider stuff.

TYERS: (As Sam) You should see me around Halloween. I can't - 'cause you know they put, like, spider webs everywhere.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Babe, they're everywhere. I love Halloween.

TYERS: (As Sam) I don't even like "Spiderman" anymore.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, that's our first fight, second fight?

TYERS: (As Sam) Second, third, fourth (laughter).

PACHECO: (As Ben) Third, fourth - we're get - we're racking 'em up.

TYERS: (As Sam) I really like you, though.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I like you, too.

TYERS: (As Sam) All right. I propose a toast.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I guess we got to drink these things, huh?

TYERS: (As Sam) (Laughter) Yeah. OK.

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK.

TYERS: (As Sam) To the stories we tell, may they be long remembered and deeply felt.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, OK.

(GLASSES TAPPING)

PACHECO: (As Ben) (Coughing) Sorry (laughter). This is not good.

TYERS: (As Sam) OK, I have a story for you.

PACHECO: (As Ben) Another story?

TYERS: (As Sam) Yeah.

PACHECO: (As Ben) OK. I believe it already.

TYERS: (As Sam) No, I think you'll really like this one. OK, so I used to date this guy - funny, handsome...

PACHECO: (As Ben) Oh, you have a type (laughter)

TYERS: (As Sam) ...Glasses, beard, really crazy about me...

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah. You guys...

TYERS: (As Sam) ...But dumb as a sack of bricks.

PACHECO: (As Ben) He was dumb.

TYERS: (As Sam) (Laughter).

PACHECO: (As Ben) He was dumb?

TYERS: (As Sam) Oh, man, and O negative.

PACHECO: (As Ben) I don't know what - you're losing me.

TYERS: (As Sam) Of course, he couldn't be anemic. You seem sleepy.

PACHECO: (As Ben) No, I'm fine.

TYERS: (As Sam) Here, hand me your drink. Just put your head down. I'll be right here, OK? Don't go anywhere.

PACHECO: (As Ben) (Yelling).

(SOUNDBITE OF KNOCKING)

PACHECO: (As Ben) Yeah, cool, come in.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR #3: (As friend) Ben, what - oh, God, is that blood? Who wrote this? (Reading) Your kidney has been removed. Call 911. Who wrote this? Stay still. Ben, stay still.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WHATEVER LOLA WANTS")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGER: (Singing) Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. And little man, don't you know you can't win?

WASHINGTON: Big thanks to "The Truth." That story was written by Diane McCorry, performed by Phoebe Tyers and Dennis Pacheco, with Nick Mykins, T.J. Mannix and Chris Dwane. It was produced by Jonathan Mitchell, and "The Truth" is part of the Radiotopia podcast network started by PRX. Check it out - thetruthpodcast.com.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

WASHINGTON: Now, when SNAP JUDGMENT continues, the fate of the world is decided at breakfast between scones and cups of hot coffee, for real, when SNAP JUDGMENT, the "Proof" episode, returns. Stay tuned. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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